no interest reviews of the no audience underground

Lars Von Trier ‘dogville’ - (is that really a movie?) - whichever major it is - CRASS-type artwork

/Rules are meant to be broken, they say. Rule number one: only music reviews in EMPTY –f…iddle you this isn’t a rule, ain’t I always complaining I’m getting nothing but music to review? Besides, this rule was already broken in issue#6. Rule number two: no negative reviews. Aaah, this is important: negative reviews, as a dear friend says, do no one a favour –they darken the heart of the one that speaks evil and wet the eyes of the one disgraced… If you don’t like something, then why bother talking about it, let alone write a review. Let’s break rule number two, this movie’s absolute crap. I mean, you know: boring, too long (three hours of what could’ve been a good 15 minutes short), awfully played, using experimental cinema gimmicks all the time while failing to be entertaining the last bit and pretentious to an extent no one except the Danish Madman could ever be without any redemptive laugh of self-irony. But there IS something to this movie: it could’ve been made at home. Nicole Kidman sure was a great actress once in her life (in The Portrait of a Woman –or maybe twice if you include The Others), but she does nothing there the Average Girlfriend^TM couldn’t do. The movie was shot in a large warehouse, something you could find near your home. It’s probably shot on expensive 12421mm film with 254 different camera angles but really looks as amateur as a Jackass clip and I’m quite sure the DVcam you’ll get for Christmas will do the trick just as well (ideas on how to use super-amateur gear and still make a movie that looks pro? See the bonus section of Roberto Rodriguez’s El Mariachi on worth-the-bargain-price DVD). House walls are drawn on the floor and do not exist. Even the dog is a bare drawing on the floor except for a few seconds just before The End ends your nap. Ah, yes there’s the raw-violence endscene that could prove tricky to shoot but I’m quite sure you remember Evil Dead or Texas Chainsaw and many other examples of sheer violence shot without any help from any major. See: home taping was killing music, CDR burning is killing music, home movie-making is going to kill cinema. Hey, let’s watch them all die and drink a pint to their sake as they do.

Lo-Bat ‘gameboyTM’-3” CDR in guess what: a gameboy-like cardboard pack

/4bits they say. 4 brain cells seems enough for certain human activities (war, law enforcement, record company management, film-making in Hollywood to name but 4). 4 people is way too many for a rock band that’s what I always say. 4 fingers certainly are enough to make a symphony of beauty with a sitar. And besides, very few of you reading this have 4 eyes or 4 hands. So don’t tell me 4 bits isn’t enough for toy&terrortek where Atari quits the riot and meets his Intellivision® and Vectrex® friends from a time when 4bits was plenty. A must have.

/www.retinascan.de

Los Planetos Del Agua ‘too many bricks and not enough sea’-Antenna-CD in a bluetiful digipack

/Blah blah blah lots of rock’n’roll in this issue and this is supposed to be an experimental music newsletter, who are you exactly to tell me what this newsletter should be. Sweeter than it’s sad, perfect soundtrack for what I see looking out the window: quiet snow on the trees, a bright and icy sunshine, a gentle breeze that’d frost you to death if you didn’t mind. Makes me think of Pram who knows why but it’d be better described as the other side of psyche rock (maybe it’s the length of the songs). Where Opaque is all harsh and walls of distorsion, this is all trumpets and theremins and moogs and melodies and there’s even a singer that actually sings. Of course Radiohead comes in mind, but like I said above, that’s nothing to upset me. The sleeve is real blue (and the music isn’t) and the track titles are delicious (and the music is). ‘I couldn’t help her stay so I helped her leave’, they say… Please play your sweet tunes a little longer before I help you.

/PO BOX 6083-Burton On Trent-DE14 2ZX-UK or http://www.antennarecords.com/

Lyssa–‘Olympians/Subvert a body’–Shogun Records–CDR-nice BW homemade package

/Now some heavy guitars and sssllloooowww tempo. Apparently, this is their first release. I didn’t like Neurosis’ latest records much, but this reminded me of the ones I liked. Composing songs over 8 minutes that only include vocal samples and not much more electronics I could hear and no ‘real’ singer is such a hard task no one can make it on the first try. LYSSA couldn’t, but that’s not saying the record is not good. In fact, there are some interesting moments (maybe 7 Tone would be a better comparison than Neurosis, now that I think about it), heavy&loud bass, ‘never-sound-metal’ distorted guitars and good atmospheres, here and there. Did I tell you the package was nice? It is.

/mailto:burn.out_at_wanadoo.fr or 39 rue du Mont d’Arène-51100 REIMS-FRANCE

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Lars Von Trier ‘dogville’ - (is that really a movie?) - whichever major it is - CRASS-type artwork /Rules are meant to be broken, they say. Rule number one: only music reviews in EMPTY –f…iddle you this isn’t a rule, ain’t I always complaining I’m getting nothing but music to review? Besides, this rule was already broken in issue#6. Rule number two: no negative reviews. Aaah, this is important: negative reviews, as a dear friend says, do no one a favour –they darken the heart of the one that speaks evil and wet the eyes of the one disgraced… If you don’t like something, then why bother talking about it, let alone write a review. Let’s break rule number two, this movie’s absolute crap. I mean, you know: boring, too long (three hours of what could’ve been a good 15 minutes short), awfully played, using experimental cinema gimmicks all the time while failing to be entertaining the last bit and pretentious to an extent no one except the Danish Madman could ever be without any redemptive laugh of self-irony. But there IS something to this movie: it could’ve been made at home. Nicole Kidman sure was a great actress once in her life (in The Portrait of a Woman –or maybe twice if you include The Others), but she does nothing there the Average Girlfriend^TM couldn’t do. The movie was shot in a large warehouse, something you could find near your home. It’s probably shot on expensive 12421mm film with 254 different camera angles but really looks as amateur as a Jackass clip and I’m quite sure the DVcam you’ll get for Christmas will do the trick just as well (ideas on how to use super-amateur gear and still make a movie that looks pro? See the bonus section of Roberto Rodriguez’s El Mariachi on worth-the-bargain-price DVD). House walls are drawn on the floor and do not exist. Even the dog is a bare drawing on the floor except for a few seconds just before The End ends your nap. Ah, yes there’s the raw-violence endscene that could prove tricky to shoot but I’m quite sure you remember Evil Dead or Texas Chainsaw and many other examples of sheer violence shot without any help from any major. See: home taping was killing music, CDR burning is killing music, home movie-making is going to kill cinema. Hey, let’s watch them all die and drink a pint to their sake as they do. Lo-Bat ‘gameboyTM’-3” CDR in guess what: a gameboy-like cardboard pack /4bits they say. 4 brain cells seems enough for certain human activities (war, law enforcement, record company management, film-making in Hollywood to name but 4). 4 people is way too many for a rock band that’s what I always say. 4 fingers certainly are enough to make a symphony of beauty with a sitar. And besides, very few of you reading this have 4 eyes or 4 hands. So don’t tell me 4 bits isn’t enough for toy&terrortek where Atari quits the riot and meets his Intellivision® and Vectrex® friends from a time when 4bits was plenty. A must have. /www.retinascan.de Los Planetos Del Agua ‘too many bricks and not enough sea’-Antenna-CD in a bluetiful digipack /Blah blah blah lots of rock’n’roll in this issue and this is supposed to be an experimental music newsletter, who are you exactly to tell me what this newsletter should be. Sweeter than it’s sad, perfect soundtrack for what I see looking out the window: quiet snow on the trees, a bright and icy sunshine, a gentle breeze that’d frost you to death if you didn’t mind. Makes me think of Pram who knows why but it’d be better described as the other side of psyche rock (maybe it’s the length of the songs). Where Opaque is all harsh and walls of distorsion, this is all trumpets and theremins and moogs and melodies and there’s even a singer that actually sings. Of course Radiohead comes in mind, but like I said above, that’s nothing to upset me. The sleeve is real blue (and the music isn’t) and the track titles are delicious (and the music is). ‘I couldn’t help her stay so I helped her leave’, they say… Please play your sweet tunes a little longer before I help you. /PO BOX 6083-Burton On Trent-DE14 2ZX-UK or http://www.antennarecords.com/ Lyssa–‘Olympians/Subvert a body’–Shogun Records–CDR-nice BW homemade package /Now some heavy guitars and sssllloooowww tempo. Apparently, this is their first release. I didn’t like Neurosis’ latest records much, but this reminded me of the ones I liked. Composing songs over 8 minutes that only include vocal samples and not much more electronics I could hear and no ‘real’ singer is such a hard task no one can make it on the first try. LYSSA couldn’t, but that’s not saying the record is not good. In fact, there are some interesting moments (maybe 7 Tone would be a better comparison than Neurosis, now that I think about it), heavy&loud bass, ‘never-sound-metal’ distorted guitars and good atmospheres, here and there. Did I tell you the package was nice? It is. /mailto:burn.out_at_wanadoo.fr or 39 rue du Mont d’Arène-51100 REIMS-FRANCE